The Long Goodbye

Arrivederci Ohio. I'm moving to Carrboro, North Carolina in 2 months to start my intern year at the University of North Carolina. This wasn't quite what I expected, but in the back of my mind it was what I wanted. About a month ago, I had it all figured out. I was hoping to spend a year at Riverside Methodist Hospital in Columbus and live across from my older sister in the Short North. I'd hang out with her and all her mature doctor friends and attempt to make Buckeye football part of my religion. Then I'd move to Indianapolis for 3 years. I'd work hard my first year there, but my 2nd year there would be like neurology light with no inpatient responsibility and more time for research. On my interview day, I left Indianapolis feeling like I wanted to go back there. I'd spend my weekends at Circlecenter Mall and find ways to get Colts and Pacers tickets. And best of all, I could drive 110 minutes along I-74 and come back to Cincinnati whenever I got a day off.

But that's not how it's going to be. I matched at UNC. UNC was the only school where I was told "The job is yours if you want it!" and now it's mine. I made my way to Durham to crash at Callie Combs' house the night before the interview. She generously offered her house to anyone interviewing in the area, and I was happy to take her up on that offer because I'm cheap. We watched college basketball, discussed Cincinnati stuff, and then she complained about intern year, but I'm pretty sure she's actually really happy at Duke. I left Chapel Hill somewhat exhausted after a crazy travel schedule, but I was enamored with the blue skies and beautiful forests of North Carolina. The people at UNC were welcoming as well and seemed like they would be happy to have me there. My exact words on the phone with Dr. J while I was spending the night at RDU were that "I would rank UNC first if it weren't for the crazy call schedule."

Part of me wanted the excitement of uncertainty on Match Day. While I heard all my friends read out their distant match locations, it hit me that a lot of those people I would never see again after graduation. The few that I will keep in touch with I may only see once a year at best. This only increased my anxiety/nervousness while I patiently waited to find out where I had matched. And then finally it was my turn to read my residency position. When I nervously read University of North Carolina Hospitals, it was like the nail in the coffin. I'm moving about 500 miles away from home to a city where I essentially don't know anyone. I'll be working my tail off and I won't have time to meet people. And I'll be living in a small-ish city with not a whole lot to do.

But my thoughts kept going back to that little Telugu girl who was all smiles for matching at her top choice in Kentucky where her older sister lives. It hit me that this was the definitive end to even a remote chance that I'd be able to hook up with her again. I am already obligated to spend 1-2 weeks of my 3.5 weeks of vacation in India for my older sister's wedding. I'll probably spend 0.5 weeks back in Cincinnati for New Years Eve. The last week or two is up in the air, but it won't correlate with her vacation, or anyone else's vacation for that matter, so that means I won't see her at all next year. And I'm not even sure why my thoughts keep going back to that little Telugu girl. I guess I fell for her empty flattery and good looks my second year of medschool. But she never is around when I call her, she avoids me when she's seeing someone new, and then talks to me when it's convenient for her. She had a knack for making me feel inadequate or uncertain whenever I was around her. So arrivederci little Telugu girl. I'm not sure who's next, but I'm pretty sure it will be better than it has been.

I don't know what I'll find in NC. I've been a little spoiled here in Cincinnati where I had a guaranteed medschool spot when I graduated from high school. Somehow wherever I've been I've always managed to make one or two unlikely friends who seem to look out for me and have my back when I least expect it. Now that the next part of my career is not certain on any conditional terms, I hope that I will actively seek out research opportunities, learn as much as I can about as much as I can relating to neurology, and use whatever knowledge I gain to teach students and treat patients. I spent so many weekends driving back to West Chester whenever I wanted to spend time in a big house or if I needed more food/money. I'm hoping this change of scenery will force me to make friends and spend time with kids my own age instead of running home when I need to decompress. This move into relatively uncharted territories is going to force me to make new friends, be more outgoing, and push for new career opportunities.

Cincinnati will probably always feel like home to me, but North Carolina is my true home for the next 4 years. My family alone is enough to bring me back to Cincinnati someday, and I hope I find someone who will come back here with me. I think the strong ties I have with the friends I made in Cincinnati will remain if they were significant. I'm at a strange place in life right now where I'm neither here in Cincinnati nor there in North Carolina; so thus begins my long goodbye. I get to spend 2 months on light clinical rotations giving me plenty of time to hang out with friends and have fun on the weekends. I know I'm going to miss a lot of people here in Cincinnati, but when I think back to how few friends I still keep in touch with from high school and undergrad, and how there's not one person from high school or undergrad who I miss terribly, I think I'll be fine leaving Cincinnati for a few years. If there is anything that is truly important to me here in Cincinnati, it will find its way back to me a few years down the road. Chapel Hill is a small town, but it will be full of twenty somethings like me who are leaving behind everything they knew for four years in medical school to start residency in a warm, clean, well-lit place.