I think I figured out why I'm not bouncing off the walls with excitement for match day (I usually am bouncing off the walls with excitement so this is an anomaly). In theory, it could potentially go down as one of the greatest days ever. For a very long time I've wanted to leave Ohio and embark on an adventure of my own on my own terms, but things like time, money, and the educational value have held me back. It looks like I'm finally at a point where leaving is an option. I feel like I could move to the sunny shores of orange county, CA or the placid forests of north carolina. I chose to avoid the big cities like NYC and Chicago because it's too cold. So this is what I've wanted right? To move to a better city where I will get a solid education...
And then it hits me that whatever it is that's next and whatever it is that I've been waiting for will probably be more of the same thing. And what's wrong with that? People are pretty good here in Cincinnati. There's lot's of stuff to do, graet parks, good music, and the traffic is not too bad. There are some parts of town that are difficult to get around, but that's all part of the character of this city. In fact, I feel like Cincinnati, Ohio is an excellent place to live except for the fact that I have no reason to stay here. I've seen most of this city. I've been to Newport and Mount Adams multiple times and am never particularly excited to go back. There's really no thing or person that is keeping me here. Sure I'll miss a few people at UC and my parents, but they'll be even happier to see me when I return from far far away.
But therein lies the problem. Wherever I go next, I'm pretty sure I'll be working very hard, and when I leave work I'll take it with me when I come home. And I'll be so busy with work and so inept with people that I will come back to an empty apartment and write blogs or play violin. I don't want a repeat of Columbus 2008 when I had all kinds of time which I used to gain weight and play guitar. Going all summer without watching tv only made me feel more isolated. Maybe it will be like LA 2007. A time when every weekend was an excuse to explore and meet old acquaintances. I guess that would be pretty nice.
So I'm 25 years old on a very long 2 month vacation and I've been single my entire life with just a few friends. Have I missed out on something? Maybe what I've envisioned my life to be post-cincinnati has had expectations that are so unrealistic that they could never be met. I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe this is how it's supposed to be. But I think I can do better than spending my Saturday nights sewing buttons and doing laundry. I owe it to myself. But not much is possible unless I know people to bother. So maybe what I'm getting at is that it's time to have an adventure, dream big, and make the most of every moment while enjoying the everyday pleasures that life gives so generously.
