Although it feels like I've been hiding out for the last 3 months, a lot has changed and it's mostly for the better. Here is how it all panned out:
May 13th: End of Final exams for year 2
May 16th: Begin 33 days of studying for USMLE step 1
June 20th: Sit for USMLE Step 1 in Louisville (because I think my peers in Cincinnati might look at me funny)
June 21st: Move to 2538 Ravine St. #1
July 6th: Begin Day one of my surgery rotation
July 17thish: Passed step 1 (97), asked a (female) friend out
Aug 15th: Leave a date in Louisville confused and uncertain
Aug 16th: Attend Dr. Hari's wedding
Aug. 28th: Sit for the Surgery Shelf Exam
Today: Buy my first pair of New Balance sneakers which aren't black 474 crosstrainers.
I'm definitely not ready to go out into the world and be a competent doctor yet, but I learned a lot about medicine and about being a student in the last 2 months. I've seen how in the course of a few seconds in the OR, a life can be changed forever, sometimes for the worse. I've seen strong-willed residents brush aside insults from their superiors, and wake up at 5AM to come in to work the next day. I knew going in that I'd enjoy this rotation, but also that surgery is not something I'll be doing for the rest of my life.
Just when I was getting accustomed to being carefree and enjoying the privacy and comfort of my own apartment, I took a chance and asked out a friend who I care about a lot. It was part of the plan; after I take Step 1 I'm gonna ask her out no matter out no matter if the time felt right or not cause the way my life goes, there may never be a perfect time. And so we got together and a long distance relationship started. And everyday in the back of my mind I felt like this would work and I didn't mind letting someone else into my life who may have a say in what I'll do and where I'll be over the next few years for residency. And now that's it's over and I find myself free again to be with other girls, to consider moving far away, and to not worry too much about what anyone else thinks of me... it's starting to hit me that you can't have it all at once.
So on the pleasant days when I walk to the rec center, or if I'm enjoying a delicious meal that my mother made, I try to pause for a second and enjoy it. On the evenings when I get 5 phone calls from friends who want to hang out, I feel flattered/popular, but I also remember those nights in Columbus when I sat alone playing guitar, which were nice in their own way. And when I get the time to reflect, enjoy hobbies, and plan for the future, I try to keep in mind that a single bad decision could destroy the hope of a bright future that I've worked so hard for over the last 6 years, and that taking measured risks may change your life forever.
